TSP - Last Email for Every Year

In January this year, I wrote a short letter to myself. About a lesson, and it helped me navigate major friendship issues throughout the year. I want to share it with you, maybe you’ll find it helpful someday.

The lesson is - stop trying to mix black and white.

My first job after NYSC in 2019 was in academics. I lectured for 2+ years in Veritas University before moving to MTN Telecommunications as a data analyst. In those years, I had two friends who houses I could run to whenever I felt happy, sad, or just wanted to hang out. I didn’t need an invite - they always made me feel welcome. The best company in the world.

Today, I’m no longer in communication with one of those friends. I can’t say why, literally.

Ten years ago (in 2014), I started developing a friendship with someone in the university (a different person), and it lasted till we graduated.

When I sold shoes and jewellery in school, she would attend my trade fair events with me and help me sell stuff. On random evenings, I'd listen to her talk about her relationships and stuff about her life.

I remember her waking me up with ice-cream that her boyfriend brought to school for her one random Sunday. When I went for outings, I always tried to get her something to eat on my way back. We had so much fun together.

Today, we're no longer "friends".

A third friendship, I cultivated from my second university year even past graduation. I told her about everything. Her “corner” in university became my second house. Somedays, I just went there to sit and do nothing together.

She did the same to me. Going to each others’ rooms for no reason rather than to talk about random things, eat each others food or even sleep for hours.

We’ve not spoken for over a year now.

Why these long stories?

First of all, its not to seek pity. Secondly, I'm not villainizing anyone. I’m trying to point out that good things can come to an end without tagging them with bad labels because of how they ended.

Although I’ve not spoken to any of these friends in a while, regardless of whose fault it is (or why we split), I cannot deny that they were amazing people to me while the friendship lasted, and I reciprocated that.

For me, the white emotions were the good times we had together, while the sour taste that came with having to end a once beautiful friendship is black.

But I don’t need to mix black and white.

Same applies to you.

This year, I was tempted to villianize some past friendships because I felt sad about how they ended. Especially now that I'm in a new country, its particularly sad to think of what could have been.

Maybe you don’t need this lesson right now. But if something that’s going amazing for you eventually ends and you have to move on, I hope you don’t mix black and white.

It's ok to mourn what could have been without describing your once good friends as bad people. Friendships and phases in life are allowed to evolve, just like my tolerance for pepper.

Enjoy the nostalgia of the good times but make adequate space for new people and experiences. I hope this helps, either now or someday.

PS. I will start making peppersoup more often, I refuse a low tolerance for pepper

“What is that verse that says Be ye not as the horse, or the mule, which hath no understanding? Enose, can you check for that verse on your phone? Where is it, let's see…”

***Short pause***

“It’s Psalm 32 verse 9.”

“Ehen. Oya quick-quick, open it, let's read.”

After reading, my father sighed as he always did after we read a Bible verse that resonated with him.

Psalm 32:9 - Be ye not as the horse, or as the mule which have no understanding: whose mouth must be held in with bit and bridle, lest they come near unto thee.

I was in the sitting room with my father and two brothers. It was customary for my father to call for a Bible Study before any small or big event - when resuming school, after returning from school, when someone got a new job, when someone was travelling or moving out, and of course, every Sunday.

I mean, you can’t joke with prayer and reading the Bible. My father did not.

And today’s Bible Study was special. It was September 8th 2023, and my flight to leave Nigeria for Ireland was in 8 hours time, and we had an hour to finish up and leave for the airport.

But what was so special about this Bible verse?

Well, as my dad explained, it was important to count one’s blessings. And only wise people sit down and really weigh the value of all that God has given them and express gratitude for it.

A horse or mule has little wisdom, same as ungrateful people.

He was choosing to be wise that day by counting his blessings. His second daughter was moving from a Nigerian multinational firm to a reputable Irish university. From his experience in life and that of his children, he had a lot to be thankful for.

And despite all he was going though - his health and a lot of things I cannot mention here - he chose gratitude. It wasn't the easiest thing to do.

We didn't know that would be our last Bible study together. Although something tells me he did, the look in his eyes and the way he was more tense than usual.

Today, I’m writing this letter to remind you to have gratitude. Regardless of where you are right now, what you’ve achieved, your failures, it doesn’t matter. True gratitude should show despite all that.

I’m grateful for the privilege of having my father when he was here. We had a million ups and downs, but today he is in a wealthy place. And when all is said and done, I will join him there one day 💖

So what are you grateful for today?

My Last Email for Every Year since 2024